During the Yoga Nidra training at Kripalu, we did several dyads.  The dyads were ways that we could practice guiding an individual through one of the sheaths.  I had some very interesting experiences with the dyads.  There was one that was especially powerful for me.

We were exploring the sheath of intellect.  My dyad partner facilitated me first.  She guided me through a short body scan and then asked me to see if I could find a thought or belief that was spontaneously arising.  I said to her, "I am too intellectual."

"Good," she said.  "Now, see if there is a deeper thought."

This took me off guard.  I was not expecting her to say that.  I delved deeper into myself and came up with the thought, "I don't live my way into truth."  This new thought was similar to the first.  Historically, I have had the experience of being more in my head - spirituality as a head-trip. 

She then said, "Great.  Now, can you find a deeper thought than that one?" 

This was frustrating to me.  I wondered how much longer she was going to do this?  I went deeper and said to her, "I am not the truth." 

Very gently she said, "OK, one more time.  Can you find a thought underneath that one?"

I responded, "I am a liar."

I then proceeded to tell her an abbreviated version of the story about my ex-step-father creating a sign for me on two poster-boards that read, "I AM A LIAR."  This really surprised me.  This story keeps coming back up for me.  I keep thinking I am finished with it, and then there it is again.

My dyad partner asked me to describe where I felt this belief in my body.  I described a feeling of emptiness in the core of my body, around the stomach area.  She said to me, "the solar plexus - the place of identity and self-esteem."  She then asked me to step back from the sensation into Awareness itself and then describe what I felt.  This is one of the most important aspects of Yoga Nidra.  You experience the sensation, emotion or thought fully.  Then you "step back" (dis-identify) and step into Awareness itself (of course, we are not stepping anywhere, since Awareness is all-pervasive).  You then describe what you experience in this "placeless place."  I described, "an enveloping, embracing kindness or compassion."  It was if I was being held and embraced by Love itself. 

This was a powerful experience for me.  Never before had I made the connection between this core belief and my tendency to intellectualize.  Intellectualizing = being a liar.  Staying in my head, playing around in the realm of theory, keeps me from embodying my truth.  Since this brief experience with Yoga Nidra, I see how "I am a liar" could very well be my linchpin belief.

Later that evening I walked the labyrinth at Kripalu (see the picture above).  During the walk to the center of the labyrinth, I did The Work on the belief, "I am a liar."  Once I reached the center I sat down on the grass and turned the belief around to, "I am Truth Itself."  I sat with this turnaround for a while before beginning the slow walk back out into my life.  During my return walk I repeated the turnaround to myself over and over and reflected on how, no matter what my past or my future - no matter what happens on the relative plane - my very being is Truth Itself.  And, nothing can change that.

Once I exited the labyrinth I tore a sheet of paper from my journal and wrote the words, ..."I am a liar" with an arrow pointing to the words, "I am Truth Itself"...  I placed the slip of paper beneath a rock in the labyrinth and left it behind.  Now, when I practice Yoga Nidra, my heart-felt prayer is "I am Truth Itself."

Later that evening I was reading the iRest manual and the following words struck me.  They reminded me of what it felt like when I stepped back into Awareness during this dyad:

"True Nature... is like a mother's loving, non-judging and compassionate caress.  It surrounds and pervades all, sorrow, conflict, grief, pain and joy, with compassionate tenderness and love."

The one called "Prince of Peace" said, at the beginning of the violent conclusion to his earthly life, "Put your sword back where it belongs.  For everyone who takes up the sword will be done in by the sword" (Matthew 26:52, Scholars Version).  These were the last words that he spoke to his disciples before his crucifixion.  It was his final teaching, if you will.  He then faced betrayal, ridicule, scorn, violence and crucifixion - never once resisting, defending or retaliating.  Even unto his death he was showing the Way. 

During the season of Advent we are preparing our hearts and minds for the arrival of the Prince of Peace - the one who incarnated the Way, the Truth and the Life.  What was this Way that Jesus taught and lived?  What does his final teaching to his disciples reveal to us regarding this Way?  In our times and in our lives, what would it mean for us to put away our swords?

According to many Biblical scholars, the summation of Jesus' teachings can be found in chapters 5-7 of Matthew's Gospel - traditionally called "The Sermon on the Mount."  It is here that we are told that those who work for peace are known as God's children.  It is here that Gandhi found his inspiration for the peace movement that he led in India.  It is here that Jesus tells us to not react violently against the evildoer and to love our enemies.  Through this sermon on a mountaintop, Jesus is revealing to us the fulfillment of the Law and the Prophets.  He is a "new Moses," instructing all who can hear on a "new Way."

In the first three verses of chapter 7, Jesus says to us, "Don't pass judgment, so you won't be judged.  Don't forget, the judgment you hand out will be the judgment you get back.  And the standard you apply will be the standard applied to you" (SV).  Compare these words to the ones quoted at the beginning of this meditation:  "Put your sword back where it belongs.  For everyone who takes up the sword will be done in by the sword."  Jesus seems to be telling us the same thing in these two passages.  Violence begets violence; hatred begets hatred; judgment begets judgment.

I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. who said, "To the degree that I harm my brother, no matter what he is doing to me, to that extent I am harming myself."  To the degree that I judge my brother or sister, to that extent I am judging myself.  To the degree that I inflict violence in any way (thought, word or deed), to that extent I am my own victim.  The sword that I think I am using against my fellow human being is being plunged into my own heart.  The sword of violence, the sword of judgment, does me in. 

During this season of Advent, during every season of our lives, may we heed Jesus' words.  May we put away our swords.  May we accept our function as "peacemakers."  May we practice forgiveness and reconciliation.  May we all follow Jesus' Way, Jesus' Truth and Jesus' Life.

Dear God, please give me the courage, the heart, to walk in the Way of Jesus.

Give me the courage to love in the face of hate,

to forgive in the face of what seems unforgivable,

and to put away the sword that I might know the peace that is my birthright.

Amen