(Note:  I wrote this poem on the fourth day of the 10-day silent meditation retreat I attended with Richard Miller in San Rafael, CA at the Santa Sabina Retreat Center.  The quote from Our Lady of Medjugorje was from that day's meditation in the book Mary's Vineyard by Andrew Harvey.  I read the quote after having written the poem.  The picture attached to this entry shows the altar that the book was sitting on before the statue of Mary in the chapel.)

May 26 -- Our Lady, Medjugorje   1986
"If you abandon yourselves to me, you will not even feel the passage from this life to the next.  You will begin to live the life of heaven on earth."

"If you abandon yourselves to me, you will not even feel the passage from this life to the next.  You will begin to live the life of heaven on earth."

Is the ego the enemy?  Is it to blame for all of our problems?  How does one on the nondual path deal with the ego?  At a recent training in Integrative Restoration (iRest) I had a few "experiences" that seem to provide some clues as to how we can relate to the ego.

In both experiences I was in a dyad with a partner.  We were taking turns teaching the iRest protocol to an individual.  In these experiences I was playing the "student" role.  

In one dyad I had a sense of myself as the ego.  I "took on" the ego and described it as being much like wearing a mask.  I then shifted to Pure Awareness and had a strong sense that the ego was not an enemy.  I experienced it with a strong degree of compassion and knew that it had "served me well."  I was able to appreciate it.  I felt a sense of gratitude and noticed that the spaciousness of Pure Awareness and the gratitude that I was experiencing allowed me to view the ego in a way that I never had before.  I felt "friendly" towards it.  I actually saw the ego as a friend.

During another dyad I had a felt-experience of Pure Awareness as a loss of boundaries.  I felt completely merged with all that was around me and had no sense of my physical body.  At one point my partner asked me to "step back into" the experience of being a self, and I could actually feel my body re-materializing.  It was as if the back of my body, the part that was "against" the floor, was retracting (drawing in) from the floor and re-forming as my body.  I found myself laughing out-loud.  My partner asked me what I was experiencing.  I explained to the best of my ability and told her that I saw it as very humorous -- the body re-forming out of emptiness, the ego re-asserting itself -- it was all so funny to me.

Both of these experiences have helped me to see the ego -- the sense of being a separate self with a separate body -- as something to appreciate and as something to "in-joy."  It is the play of form.  I try not to take it so seriously anymore.

Here is a great quote from Papaji (Wake up and Roar).  In this quote the waves of the ocean are the play of form.  The ocean itself is Source.  The ego exists in the waves.  I am is the Source from which the waves of form and ego emerge:

"To become something, to expect something, you have to do something.  To remain I am, you don't have to do anything.  Its fullness is emptiness.  I am is the ocean, and the waves are the cosmos, the universe, all happenings.  And you can enjoy.  This is called Leela's sport [God's play]."

"First there is a mountain, 

Then there is no mountain,

Then there is."

As we practice Integrative Restoration - iRest - Yoga Nidra we will experience three movements - construction, deconstruction and re-entry.  During the movement of construction we are learning how to welcome the countless structures or forms - the various bodies or sheaths and their respective sensations, emotions, thoughts, etc. - that arise in awareness.  During the movement of deconstruction we experience all forms dissolve into their home ground of Pure Awareness.  We are disidentifying from form - from the sheaths - and discovering ourselves as Awareness itself within which these forms arise and within which they ultimately dissolve.  During the re-entry we return to the world of form-identity.  However, we do so with the realization of who we really are.  We are able to play in the world of form without the need to create a false identity. 

"First there is a mountain..." 

First, there are separate bodies and egos with their opposites of sensation, emotion, belief, etc.  There is "me" and there is "you."  There are mountains and there are valleys.  We live in a world of duality - a world of separation. 

"Then there is no mountain..." 

Then, as we gradually deconstruct all form-identity through a process of deep self-inquiry, we experience the reality of non-separation and non-duality.  We see that there are no separate bodies or egos.  We see the illusory nature of all dualism and experience what Buddhists call "emptiness" - "the absence of conceptual construction" (Puhakka, 2007, p. 158). 

"Then there is."

Finally, we seemingly return to the world of form, the world of separate bodies and egos, while retaining the knowledge of who we truly are.  We are engaged in the world at the same time that we remain as True Nature.  We realize that abiding in a state of "non-dual bliss" that is separate and apart from the world of duality is itself a form of dualism.  It is as if we become the very embodiment of paradox itself - empty fullness, self as other, other as self. 

 

"First there are conceptual mountains,

then there are no concepts,

then there are perceptual mountains"

--- Jean Klein

 

Meditative self-inquiry allows us to see reality clearly rather than through the filter of our concepts - our stories.  At first we see through a dark glass.  Then we see face to face.

One way to conceive of how this works with Integrative Restoration is to think of each sheath as if it were a layer of clothing.  The constructive phase of iRest consists of integrating each sheath into the fabric of our self-identity and sensitizing ourselves to it.  We are not attaching to the sheath.  We are also not resisting it.  We are learning to meet it with a sense of openness and welcoming.

We then begin the process of "disrobing" during the deconstructive phase.  Beginning with the physical body, we welcome the sensations that arise and then take that layer of clothing off and drop it on the ground.  Next, we cultivate awareness of the breath and of subtle energy before we take that layer of clothing off and drop it on the ground.  We continue through each sheath - feelings and emotions, the intellect, bliss, and the "ego-I" - welcoming and then disrobing, until we get to what we know as our "essential nakedness."  We are now restored to True Nature - Awareness Itself - free of identification with form.

Now that we are restored to our home ground of Awareness, we are ready for the re-entry.  We are ready to return to the "marketplace."  During this return journey we pick up each sheath.  We put them back on, one layer at a time - the ego, the body of bliss, the intellect, the body of feelings and emotions, the subtle body of breath and energy, the physical body.  The difference is that now we wear these sheaths more lightly.  They no longer weigh us down.  We know our "essential nakedness."  We know who we are free of conceptual constructs.  We know who we are without our stories.

There is also a potent image for these three movements of construction, deconstruction and re-entry - the image of the labyrinth.  Before we enter the labyrinth we see and know the world of mountains and separate bodies and egos.  Once we enter the labyrinth and begin the journey to the center, we are on the path of deconstruction.  Eventually we reach the center - the core of who we are - the place of pure Presence.  We quickly realize, however, that we cannot set up camp at the center of the labyrinth.  The journey does not end there.  We then take the same path that led us to the center and begin the process of re-entry.  We return to the so-called world of mountains, bodies and egos, but now we know the truth... 

First we know mountains,

then we "no" mountains,

then we know.

--- Billy Ledford

In my definition of nondual therapy I mention an aspect of the therapeutic relationship called a "holy encounter."  This is an idea from A Course in Miracles that I think is very important when it comes to psychotherapy.  But what is meant by this idea?  What does a "holy encounter" look like or consist of?  Here is how Robert Perry describes the holy encounter in his amazing book Return to the Heart of God: The Practical Philosophy of A Course in Miracles:

"One person allows into her mind a fresh perception of the other, and this sparks an encounter in which both individuals experience a new view of each other.  The chalice of true perception is passed back and forth, and as they both drink of it, they are lifted together into a timeless moment.  This moment may feel spiritual or it may not.  Yet neither one will leave it the same person, and the change that enters in this moment may change countless lives beyond their own" (emphasis added).

He then goes on to say something about this "true perception":

"The true perception that is exchanged in these encounters is a way of seeing the other person that overlooks all that would make us recoil from him or her.  This true perception, then, is simply another way of talking about forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the active ingredient in holy encounters....  [T]he full power of forgiveness lies not in the private experience of it, but in the giving and receiving of it.  That is where forgiveness has maximal power to change us and change the world around us.  And that is why the Course teaches that it is 'holy encounters in which salvation can be found" (emphasis added).  

You might then be wondering what the Course means by forgiveness.  If you are not a student of the Course or if you have not read much about it, you will probably have a very different understanding of the concept of forgiveness than is taught in the Course.  Perry often likes to distinguish between the "conventional view" and the "unconventional view" when it comes to many of the basic concepts of the Course.  It is important that we understand the differences between these two views when it comes to the concept of forgiveness.

The conventional view of forgiveness is based in the belief in "the reality of sin."  Here is how Perry defines it in his Glossary of Terms from A Course in Miracles: 

"Giving up your resentment towards another and your right to punish him, even though you keep the perception that he sinned against you and that you are justified in resenting and punishing him.  According to the Course, this forgiveness cannot forgive, for it affirms that the other sinned and thus is worthy of condemnation (yours and his own).  It also affirms that you are holier than he, because he sinned and you forgave."

The unconventional view of forgiveness is based on the "unreality of sin."  Here is how Perry defines it:

"Giving up your false perception that another sinned against you and that you are justified in resenting and punishing him....  Releasing another not from what he did, but from 'what he did not do,' from your [or his] misperception of what he did.  This can forgive, for it frees your mind of resentment and releases the other from the accusation of sin and guilt.  The rational behind forgiveness is that sin is not real.  It is a wrong perception of attack.  Attack has no power to do real harm, because what is real (in you and in your 'attacker') cannot be harmed or changed in any way.  The ultimate rationale for forgiveness is that 'the separation never occurred,' that 'I am as God created me,' that 'God's Son is guiltless'" (emphasis added).   

Perhaps now we can understand what is meant by these words that open the Course:

What all of this tells me about the "therapeutic relationship" is that my client comes to my office with their false perception of sin and its resulting guilt.  They come to me believing that they have sinned or that the world has sinned against them.  They feel both guilt and resentment and believe that both of them are justified.  If I am unconscious I will also get caught up in this misperception and start believing in this same worldview of sin, guilt and resentment.  

My job as a therapist, then, is to allow a true perception to enter into the relationship and communicate that perception to my client (not necessarily in words at first).  By not reacting to the client's misperception, but instead offering a wholly new perception, the potential is there for both of us to be lifted into a holy encounter.  The client's perception of me (and of themselves) begins to change.  By joining with the client in the unreality of sin and the reality that the separation never occurred, both of us are changed by this meeting.  And, the ripple effect of that meeting extends in countless directions, impacting countless lives.

(An update on some previous entries)

The Work of Byron Katie is unlike anything else. However, it seems that the mind's job is to compare and contrast. The mind has a hard time with something if it can't place it in a category. And, any categorization of The Work is placing limits on it. At the same time, discussing The Work in these ways helps me to communicate better with my colleagues and clients. Of course better than describing The Work is doing The Work. The Work speaks for itself and describes itself in the doing of it.

That being said, here goes:

The approach to psychotherapy known as "Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy" is said to be a method of "cognitive restructuring." You identify your irrational thoughts and see how they lead to painful emotions like fear, depression, anger, etc. You then notice how those irrational thoughts and their resulting emotions lead to actions that cause even more pain for yourself and others. Thought = Emotion = Behavior.

Therefore, if we want to change our emotions and behavior we need to work on changing our thoughts. This is where cognitive restructuring comes in. We replace our irrational, unhealthy thoughts with rational, healthy ones. We "challenge" our unhealthy thinking. Healthy thinking will lead to healthy emotions that results in healthy behavior.

So, how does The Work of Byron Katie differ from this approach? Some people might think that The Work is just a re-packaged form of REBT. I use to tell people over and over again that this is not so. However, I had a hard time explaining how it differs. I have done much thinking about this and have come upon a way of explaining the differences that seems to make sense to me.

I know that I am not the first one to put it this way. One of my favorite books is The Sacred Mirror: Nondual Wisdom and Psychotherapy. There is a chapter in this book called "Deconstructing the Self: The Uses of Inquiry in Psychotherapy and Spiritual Practice" by Stephan Bodian that specifically refers to The Work along with other methods of inquiry. He essentially says the same thing that I have realized. He calls it "deconstructing" to distinguish it form "reconstructing." In Emptiness Dancing Adyashanti says it in his own way. He refers to the difference between "re-framing" and "de-framing." Along with those terms I would like to add a third - "cognitive de-structuring."

The little prefix "de" means "undoing." That other prefix "re" means "repetition of a previous action; back to an earlier state or condition; again; contrary." De-construction, de-framing and de-structuring, therefore, have to do with undoing our mental constructs, frames of reference, and thought structures. We are not repeating the same old process of creating mental constructs - no matter how "healthy" they might be. We are not going back to an earlier state. We are not doing again what has failed us in the past - i.e., constructing thoughts to explain reality. We are not creating thought forms that are contrary to the way things are.

The process, using The Work, is something like this: We identify our unhealthy thinking. We inquire into the truth of these thoughts and see that they are not true for us. We see the suffering that results from believing thoughts that are not true. We get a glimpse of what life would be like without these thoughts and we turn them around. All of this results in our thoughts loosening their grip on us. We do not change them. We do not stop them. We question them, and they let go of us. The thought structures are seen as just that - thought structures. They are not reality. And, as Eckhart Tolle says in A New Earth, "all structures are unstable."

Another way of putting this is that one approach has to do with moving from one way of thinking (unhealthy, irrational) to a different way of thinking (healthy, rational). The problem is that we are still operating in the realm of thinking. It is like taking a pig and putting lipstick and a dress on it -- you still have a pig.

The other approach is about moving from a way of thinking (stressful) to a way of being (peace itself). The fourth question of The Work is "Who would you be without that thought?" It is a question about being. The Work takes us out of the realm of thinking all-together and opens us up to our true nature.

We see that a pig is a pig no matter how we might dress it up. A thought is just a thought. It does not define reality no matter how "rational" or "healthy" it is. Who we are is that which is there before the thought, that which is background (often obscured) during the thought, and that which remains after the thought is questioned.

(Note: This is a meditation that I wrote recently for my church's Advent Calendar that will be coming out soon.)
  

The one called "Prince of Peace" said, at the beginning of the violent conclusion to his earthly life, "Put your sword back where it belongs.  For everyone who takes up the sword will be done in by the sword" (Matthew 26:52, Scholars Version).  These were the last words that he spoke to his disciples before his crucifixion.  It was his final teaching, if you will.  He then faced betrayal, ridicule, scorn, violence and crucifixion - never once resisting, defending or retaliating.  Even unto his death he was showing the Way. 

During the season of Advent we are preparing our hearts and minds for the arrival of the Prince of Peace - the one who incarnated the Way, the Truth and the Life.  What was this Way that Jesus taught and lived?  What does his final teaching to his disciples reveal to us regarding this Way?  In our times and in our lives, what would it mean for us to put away our swords?

According to many Biblical scholars, the summation of Jesus' teachings can be found in chapters 5-7 of Matthew's Gospel - traditionally called "The Sermon on the Mount."  It is here that we are told that those who work for peace are known as God's children.  It is here that Gandhi found his inspiration for the peace movement that he led in India.  It is here that Jesus tells us to not react violently against the evildoer and to love our enemies.  Through this sermon on a mountaintop, Jesus is revealing to us the fulfillment of the Law and the Prophets.  He is a "new Moses," instructing all who can hear on a "new Way."

In the first three verses of chapter 7, Jesus says to us, "Don't pass judgment, so you won't be judged.  Don't forget, the judgment you hand out will be the judgment you get back.  And the standard you apply will be the standard applied to you" (SV).  Compare these words to the ones quoted at the beginning of this meditation:  "Put your sword back where it belongs.  For everyone who takes up the sword will be done in by the sword."  Jesus seems to be telling us the same thing in these two passages.  Violence begets violence; hatred begets hatred; judgment begets judgment.

I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. who said, "To the degree that I harm my brother, no matter what he is doing to me, to that extent I am harming myself."  To the degree that I judge my brother or sister, to that extent I am judging myself.  To the degree that I inflict violence in any way (thought, word or deed), to that extent I am my own victim.  The sword that I think I am using against my fellow human being is being plunged into my own heart.  The sword of violence, the sword of judgment, does me in. 

During this season of Advent, during every season of our lives, may we heed Jesus' words.  May we put away our swords.  May we accept our function as "peacemakers."  May we practice forgiveness and reconciliation.  May we all follow Jesus' Way, Jesus' Truth and Jesus' Life.

 

Dear God, please give me the courage, the heart, to walk in the Way of Jesus.

Give me the courage to love in the face of hate,

to forgive in the face of what seems unforgivable,

and to put away the sword that I might know the peace that is my birthright.

Amen

During the Yoga Nidra training at Kripalu, we did several dyads.  The dyads were ways that we could practice guiding an individual through one of the sheaths.  I had some very interesting experiences with the dyads.  There was one that was especially powerful for me.

We were exploring the sheath of intellect.  My dyad partner facilitated me first.  She guided me through a short body scan and then asked me to see if I could find a thought or belief that was spontaneously arising.  I said to her, "I am too intellectual."

"Good," she said.  "Now, see if there is a deeper thought."

This took me off guard.  I was not expecting her to say that.  I delved deeper into myself and came up with the thought, "I don't live my way into truth."  This new thought was similar to the first.  Historically, I have had the experience of being more in my head - spirituality as a head-trip. 

She then said, "Great.  Now, can you find a deeper thought than that one?" 

This was frustrating to me.  I wondered how much longer she was going to do this?  I went deeper and said to her, "I am not the truth." 

Very gently she said, "OK, one more time.  Can you find a thought underneath that one?"

I responded, "I am a liar."

I then proceeded to tell her an abbreviated version of the story about my ex-step-father creating a sign for me on two poster-boards that read, "I AM A LIAR."  This really surprised me.  This story keeps coming back up for me.  I keep thinking I am finished with it, and then there it is again.

My dyad partner asked me to describe where I felt this belief in my body.  I described a feeling of emptiness in the core of my body, around the stomach area.  She said to me, "the solar plexus - the place of identity and self-esteem."  She then asked me to step back from the sensation into Awareness itself and then describe what I felt.  This is one of the most important aspects of Yoga Nidra.  You experience the sensation, emotion or thought fully.  Then you "step back" (dis-identify) and step into Awareness itself (of course, we are not stepping anywhere, since Awareness is all-pervasive).  You then describe what you experience in this "placeless place."  I described, "an enveloping, embracing kindness or compassion."  It was if I was being held and embraced by Love itself. 

This was a powerful experience for me.  Never before had I made the connection between this core belief and my tendency to intellectualize.  Intellectualizing = being a liar.  Staying in my head, playing around in the realm of theory, keeps me from embodying my truth.  Since this brief experience with Yoga Nidra, I see how "I am a liar" could very well be my linchpin belief.

Later that evening I walked the labyrinth at Kripalu (see the picture above).  During the walk to the center of the labyrinth, I did The Work on the belief, "I am a liar."  Once I reached the center I sat down on the grass and turned the belief around to, "I am Truth Itself."  I sat with this turnaround for a while before beginning the slow walk back out into my life.  During my return walk I repeated the turnaround to myself over and over and reflected on how, no matter what my past or my future - no matter what happens on the relative plane - my very being is Truth Itself.  And, nothing can change that.

Once I exited the labyrinth I tore a sheet of paper from my journal and wrote the words, ..."I am a liar" with an arrow pointing to the words, "I am Truth Itself"...  I placed the slip of paper beneath a rock in the labyrinth and left it behind.  Now, when I practice Yoga Nidra, my heart-felt prayer is "I am Truth Itself."

Later that evening I was reading the iRest manual and the following words struck me.  They reminded me of what it felt like when I stepped back into Awareness during this dyad:

"True Nature... is like a mother's loving, non-judging and compassionate caress.  It surrounds and pervades all, sorrow, conflict, grief, pain and joy, with compassionate tenderness and love."

Kripalu is wonderful!  My only "complaint" is with the lack of air-conditioning.  It is interesting meditating when there is perspiration rolling down your forehead.  Even better than Kripalu (see the picture above) was the training on Yoga Nidra (Integrative Restoration -- iRest).  I really enjoyed it and have a greater appreciation for the process and its applicability in my personal and professional life.

In a nutshell, Yoga Nidra has two main "movements":

1) We are learning how to welcome all that is -- including our reactions to what is.

2) We are seeing that all of these "objects" that we are welcoming are not who we really are -- they are subject to change -- to birth, life, decay and death.  We therefore begin to live as our True, Unchanging, Immovable, Invulnerable, Compassionate Nature.  We begin to live our way into the answer to Byron Katie's question, "Who would you be without your story?"

One way that Richard Miller put it during the training is that our problematic sensations, emotions, beliefs, reactions, etc. can be viewed as messengers.  Our job is then to welcome them in and inquire into what they are telling us.  We will continue to dwell on the past and deal with its residues until we get the message -- until we learn how to welcome what is with all of the resulting sensations, emotions, thoughts, etc. that are triggered in us.  Until we do that we are the victims of a past that only lives as a story.
 

We can also get to the point where we realize that the abuse, betrayal, slight, etc. did not happen to "us."  It happened to our bodies (our physical, energetic, emotional, mental, bliss and ego-I bodies).  However, our True Nature can never be hurt because it is invulnerable.  When we realize our selves as True Nature we no longer resist or attach to anything.  Situations come and go, emotions come and go, thoughts come and go -- True Nature is changeless, immovable and timeless.

The actual process is perhaps too complicated to describe in a blog entry.  I recommend that anyone who is interested read Richard Miller's essay called "The Principles and Practice of Yoga Nidra" found on his website www.nondual.com. 

I asked Richard how he felt about me integrating Yoga Nidra with The Work of Byron Katie and he said he thought that would be perfectly fine since they are, "the same thing."  He mentioned Katie often in the training and said that he will be adding her book Loving What Is to his suggested reading list in the manual that he gave us.  I can certainly see how the two processes work very well together. 

I end with a quote from Richard that summarizes what regular practice of Integrative Restoration -- iRest -- Yoga Nidra does for us:

"iRest is both a technique of relaxation as well as a method that reveals our innate, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being across all dimensions of our body and mind, as well as evokes spiritual enlightenment or Self-realization.  It blends together practices of deep relaxation, breathing, one-pointed concentration, emotional and cognitive healing, identification with objects, and meditative inquiry that allows us to recognize our inherent ground of Being.  When assembled together, these constitute a potent method of meditation that teaches a comprehensive approach to stress reduction as well as spiritual awakening" (from the Level I Training Manual).   

In a week I will be traveling to the Kripalu Center in Lenox, MA for a five day Yoga Nidra training with Richard Miller (www.nondual.com).  Richard Miller is the author of the book/CD from Sounds True called Yoga Nidra: The Meditative Heart of Yoga.  I will be attending the Level I Training.  Level II will be in January in Maryland.  By completing both levels I will become a Certified Yoga Nidra Instructor.  

Yoga Nidra is a meditation practice that has two phases.  Phase one is the constructive phase -- you focus on various "bodies" or sheaths and rotate awareness through the opposites of sensation, emotion, thought, etc.  The second phase is the deconstructive phase -- you shift emphasis from the content of awareness to Awareness itself.  Yoga Nidra is a nondual approach to meditation in that it helps you to expand your capacity to embody Awareness -- Presence, Unchanging Equanimity, Unconditioned Mind -- in your day-to-day life. 

I feel that my training in Yoga Nidra will greatly enhance my practice of The Work of Byron Katie (personally and professionally) and will enable me to take my therapy practice to a whole new level.  I want to start a "deconstructive therapy group" where the participants will learn how to use both The Work and Yoga Nidra to deconstruct the stories and stressful beliefs that obscure the truth of who they are. 

I am sure that there will be more to come on my experience at Kripalu when I return... 

The goal of nondual therapy is to discover who we are without our stories and to expand our capacity to embody True Nature - Welcoming, Spacious Awareness - in every aspect of our lives. 

Nondual therapy is rooted in the assumption that our perception of "problems" is itself the problem (which really isn't a problem).  The self-improvement project is a subtle form of self-directed aggression.  Who we are does not need improving. 

By de-constructing our "self and world construct system" (James Bugental's term) we are able to uncover underlying, unchanging equanimity, or Presence, and strengthen our capacity to embody Awareness in our day-to-day existence.